How to Have a Mediocre Marriage

Do you want a mediocre marriage? Maybe “so-so” is plenty good.  Life is hard, and marriage is hard, and there’s only so many  challenging things you’re willing to do.  I get it.  Sometimes, average is good enough.If this is you, I have some pointers for you.

10 Ways To Have a Mediocre Marriage

1. Spend most of your free time shopping online, scrolling, and cleaning the house.

2. Be sure to judge and try to change your spouse at least once a day.

3. Argue about things, but keep the real reason you’re upset to yourself.

4. Seek validation from your spouse as much as possible.  It’s your spouse’s job to make you feel good about yourself.

5. Don’t stand up for yourself.  Ever.

6. Remember, it’s your spouse’s job to read your mind.

7. Keep most of your opinions to yourself.  (Except your opinions ABOUT your spouse…you can share those freely.)

8. Date nights are optional.  They’re expensive (hello, inflation!) and it’s such a hassle to find childcare.  It’s just not worth the trouble.

9. Bring your phone to bed as often as possible. (Last week I posted about this one specifically. Check it out here.)

10. Don’t EVER hire a relationship coach!!  You can figure it all out on your own.


I hope my satire is clear here.But really, how many of these have I done (intentionally or subconsciously)?  More than one, for sure (*cough*allofthem*cough*). We’ve made a lot of marriage mistakes in our 20+ years, despite the fact that we were really trying to do it well.The problem isn’t that we didn’t care.  It’s that we didn’t know any better.Now, we know better.  And we are DOING better.  We don’t do it all perfectly, but if you compared us to even 5 years ago, you’d see a completely different relationship.